Tag Archives: love

I’ll Bring My Baby to Bookstores.

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I’ll bring my baby to bookstores.
And I hope you will, too.
So she can learn the smell of books,
the sounds of the pages turning.
I’ll bring my baby to bookstores
so she learns at a young age the value of the written word,
the value of its power.
I’ll bring my baby to bookstores
so she grows up with a handful of novels
and a brain full of knowledge.
I’ll bring our baby to bookstores.
She’ll see us stealing glances from across the room.
She’ll learn that books are synonymous with love,
and that’s how every life should be lived.

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve.

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The first time you told me you loved me, Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved” serenaded us through tangled headphones.

“Look for the girl with the broken smile,

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile,

And she will be loved.”

We were on a crowded bus coming back from a championship high school football game.

How cliché, I thought.

I looked around to see if my friends had heard your whispers,

wondering if they’d be staring back at me with wide-eyed smiles.

Instead, their heads were slumped onto one another’s shoulders,

sleeping off the excitement from the game.

I was taken back—I whispered, “What?” in return, pretending not to hear you.

Or maybe I wanted to see if you’d confess again,

just to be sure you meant it.

“I love you, Caisse.”

This time it resonated with me.

I said it back with hesitation;

I must’ve stuttered, too.

I’m sure it didn’t sound sincere in the slightest,

even though my entire body was shaking with butterflies.

Those damn butterflies,

I can still feel them today.

I felt like the poster child for a first love.

All I could think was, how could this beautiful boy I met a mere two months ago already love me?

But you did, I’m sure of it.

And if it were now…

Well, now I would scream it back from the rooftops.

I’d cry, “I love you, too” until my throat burned red

and there was no more voice left in me

if it meant that you’d say it all over again.

I wouldn’t whisper,

I wouldn’t hesitate,

I wouldn’t doubt.

But there are always those would’ve,

could’ve,

should’ves.

Aren’t there?

Juliet.

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Five years ago, your lips met mine for the very first time.

Between stolen glances, our hands brushing lightly and those eyes, my god, those eyes… you pulled me closer to you and it felt as if one million bolts rushed through every fiber of my being.

You tasted like those raspberries, and everything I’d ever wanted.

I swore by the moon that we made a spark when I finally pulled away.

But maybe Juliet was right when she said, “Swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that changes in her circled orb.”

Because one day, it did change.

And you bolted faster than you were once eager to kiss me.

Although I still thank my lucky stars for the time we shared.

But the next time I fall in love, you won’t hear me swear by the moon.

Swallow Your Pride.

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I think it’s incredibly important for people to say how they feel about one another while they still can.

It’s unfathomable to me that some individuals in relationships pretend not to care. When someone avoids their feelings to make themselves believe they hold all of the power… how are you okay with that? I’m all about talking things out– if I did wrong and I’m desperately sorry,  I want to let them know. If I want to get over this bump in our road, I want to talk about it. I want to tell them I love them, that I’m in love with them. If someone is being a coward about their feelings, is it even worth it to pursue the relationship? Maybe, though, they’re just not one to pour themselves into another.  Or perhaps, their guard is up high, armed with bulletproof shields. If that’s the case, make them believe that you are their home. Prove that you, every inch of you, are a safe haven for them.

In my 19 years of living, I’ve both witnessed and experienced relationships thriving when there is an equal balance between both partners– when both are showing their love in more ways than one, when both are wanting to fix things and move on instead of playing foolish emotional games. But most importantly, when both are willing to confess their true feelings, the words they are afraid to say the most, when the moment is just plain iffy.

I have heard enough of the old trick, “Ignore them and they’ll come back to you.” I’m so done when I ask for relationship advice and I’m told, “Act like you don’t care anymore and they’ll want you back.” Because… one day, well, he didn’t want me back. And according to Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin would say my wound still bleeds at the slightest word.  So, enough of this poor advice. I’m no expert but I know that is a BS way to go about things. If you love them or you’re sorry or you want them back in your life, tell them.

I should warn you, though, this is not a guaranteed one way ticket to their heart. Sometimes, spilling your guts goes awry. (Yet, I still believe wholeheartedly it’s better to say how you feel before things end than to bottle up your feelings for a broken heart and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, anyway.) If you do end up sharing your true feelings and your S/O is still unsure, or worse, adamant about not being with you, then okay. I mean, it’s not technically okay, but at least you told them. And if you’re worried they’re going to run and tell their friends what “desperate” and “embarrassing” things you said to try and win them back, then okay. Again, at least you told them. Because then, at the end of the day you’ll always be the one who has the bigger heart and the courage to say it all. You’ll be the one who dealt all of their cards, who can now walk away without a weight on their chest. You’ll be the one without regret. When you spill your true feelings and the relationship is still not working, I believe you can move on faster. There is no room for the “what ifs” or the “what could be’s” since what had to be said was already said. You walk away more humble than ever despite a case of the break ups, and now it’s a lesson in  your book that will become more acceptable over time.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand what is so wrong about wanting to let someone know your true feelings, to tell them you’re done and you’re finally swallowing your pride. You may believe your pride can shield you from the pain, but covering up something for too long often leads to an anti-climactic outburst– a mere balloon filled with air only to be left in a dud on the ground. Pride is boring, while spilling your guts is incredibly risky in the game of life. You are not “too good” to apologize; you are not “too good” to be honestly and desperately you.

I used to apologize for telling people how I felt. But now, I am an open book. I’m not sorry for loving you, even after all of the hate you’ve given me. I’m not sorry for caring about your well-being. I’m especially not sorry for writing this post. I want the world to know that I’ve swallowed my pride. And you all should, too.

XO, Caisse

“No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride.”              — Nishan Panwar

Thank Your Parents.

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As my freshman year of college ends, naturally my emotions are getting the best of me.

And I must warn you, I am a HUGE sap.

It’s really true what they say– that you find your lifelong friends at college. I’ve had an insane amount of ups and downs this year, but, hey… that’s what life is all about, right? The thing to remember is, I experienced them with the people that I am so very grateful to have met, who stuck beside me the entire time.

Now I must say that besides cherishing every moment of my freshman year and loving the freedom I have, I’ve also realized that you appreciate home so much more when you go away to college. You appreciate everything you’ve unfortunately taken for granted while you were in high school, essentially the little things: the home cooked meals, the showers with no flip flops on, the beach, driving your car… the list goes on. And obviously, you miss your best friends from home everyday because they just don’t compare to your college friends. But the most important thing I’ve learned to appreciate that much more are my parents. Don’t take this the wrong way, though. Of course I appreciated my parents so much already, more than words can explain. But like I said, being away from home gives you many realizations that might have never crossed your mind beforehand. Your parents aren’t there to hold your hand or fold your laundry. They’re miles away, worrying, and hoping you’re enjoying your college years.

With that being said, I want to thank my parents. I want to thank them for allowing me the opportunity to attend a $56k a year private university. I want to thank them for sending me care packages and notes that brightened my days, weeks, months. I want to thank them for dropping me off and picking me up from school countless amounts of times. I want to thank them for a great deal of things that would take up the majority of this blog post. But most importantly, I want to thank them for loving me unconditionally, for showing me the true meaning of love and sticking to my guns about it, and for always expressing how proud they are of me every single day. (They’re definitely the root of why I’m a sap, but I’m completely fine with that).

There is no better feeling than knowing you are so loved and making someone else proud. The more I think about it, the more I see that the passion and drive of becoming a successful journalist is behind my parent’s words. To hear they are already so proud of me as I’ve only accomplished somewhat minor things during my lifetime is crazy. To hear they are proud of me when I am actually fulfilling my dreams… well, that’s even crazier. And that’s why I want to accomplish my goals so bad. Not only for myself, but more so for my parents because I owe them so much. I know I could live a million lifetimes and never fulfill what they have sacrificed for me, but in the end if I continue to make them proud that may be enough.

So, thank you, Mom and Dad. Thank you for honestly everything. I will never be able to express my gratitude and love for you both. I can only hope to be as great as you both are when I am a parent myself. You’ve truly taught me how to have huge dreams, intense passion and a big heart. I think that is so incredibly important for a person to have. I am one of the lucky ones because of you both. Thank you.

XO, Caisse

“A father’s goodness is higher than the mountains, a mother’s goodness deeper than the sea.”  — Japanese Proverb