Monthly Archives: October 2014

Swallow Your Pride.

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I think it’s incredibly important for people to say how they feel about one another while they still can.

It’s unfathomable to me that some individuals in relationships pretend not to care. When someone avoids their feelings to make themselves believe they hold all of the power… how are you okay with that? I’m all about talking things out– if I did wrong and I’m desperately sorry,  I want to let them know. If I want to get over this bump in our road, I want to talk about it. I want to tell them I love them, that I’m in love with them. If someone is being a coward about their feelings, is it even worth it to pursue the relationship? Maybe, though, they’re just not one to pour themselves into another.  Or perhaps, their guard is up high, armed with bulletproof shields. If that’s the case, make them believe that you are their home. Prove that you, every inch of you, are a safe haven for them.

In my 19 years of living, I’ve both witnessed and experienced relationships thriving when there is an equal balance between both partners– when both are showing their love in more ways than one, when both are wanting to fix things and move on instead of playing foolish emotional games. But most importantly, when both are willing to confess their true feelings, the words they are afraid to say the most, when the moment is just plain iffy.

I have heard enough of the old trick, “Ignore them and they’ll come back to you.” I’m so done when I ask for relationship advice and I’m told, “Act like you don’t care anymore and they’ll want you back.” Because… one day, well, he didn’t want me back. And according to Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin would say my wound still bleeds at the slightest word.  So, enough of this poor advice. I’m no expert but I know that is a BS way to go about things. If you love them or you’re sorry or you want them back in your life, tell them.

I should warn you, though, this is not a guaranteed one way ticket to their heart. Sometimes, spilling your guts goes awry. (Yet, I still believe wholeheartedly it’s better to say how you feel before things end than to bottle up your feelings for a broken heart and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, anyway.) If you do end up sharing your true feelings and your S/O is still unsure, or worse, adamant about not being with you, then okay. I mean, it’s not technically okay, but at least you told them. And if you’re worried they’re going to run and tell their friends what “desperate” and “embarrassing” things you said to try and win them back, then okay. Again, at least you told them. Because then, at the end of the day you’ll always be the one who has the bigger heart and the courage to say it all. You’ll be the one who dealt all of their cards, who can now walk away without a weight on their chest. You’ll be the one without regret. When you spill your true feelings and the relationship is still not working, I believe you can move on faster. There is no room for the “what ifs” or the “what could be’s” since what had to be said was already said. You walk away more humble than ever despite a case of the break ups, and now it’s a lesson in  your book that will become more acceptable over time.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand what is so wrong about wanting to let someone know your true feelings, to tell them you’re done and you’re finally swallowing your pride. You may believe your pride can shield you from the pain, but covering up something for too long often leads to an anti-climactic outburst– a mere balloon filled with air only to be left in a dud on the ground. Pride is boring, while spilling your guts is incredibly risky in the game of life. You are not “too good” to apologize; you are not “too good” to be honestly and desperately you.

I used to apologize for telling people how I felt. But now, I am an open book. I’m not sorry for loving you, even after all of the hate you’ve given me. I’m not sorry for caring about your well-being. I’m especially not sorry for writing this post. I want the world to know that I’ve swallowed my pride. And you all should, too.

XO, Caisse

“No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride.”              — Nishan Panwar